Scott Dixon, seen here winning an unrelated reace, is your 2008 Indianapolis 500 winner. This makes it 39 years that the prestigious Brickyard race hasn't been won by either a woman or an Andretti. The New Zealander won his first 500 the year after he lost the IRL championship on the last lap of the last race.…
With nothing else to do, Joakim Noah goes back to Gainesville, carries around an open container and some marijuana, and attempts to do so without the police knowing. That last part didn't happen successfully. [Chicago Tribune]
To Watch Tonight
What to watch while remodeling Bubble Man's dorm room...
• 5 p.m. — NASCAR: Coca-Cola 600, Concord, North Carolina. In a blind race test, what's more exciting: this race or the Pepsi 400? [FOX]
• 7 p.m. — NCAA softball: Georgia at UCLA. There's no crying in softball, but there's no by-laws applicable to sniffling.…
See, old people write things like this: "Methinks, the entire Stanley Cup playoffs have become a delightfully nostalgic kibbutz." Oh, lovable Jerry Green. Never change. [Detroit News]
You'll Want to Watch Ronny Turiaf For 12 Minutes Straight
Lakers reserve center Ronny Turiaf only plays 10 minutes a game, but as you can see by the video, the man babbles a good flibbidyfloo. And now we have a chance to Turiafify the vote on TNT's website.
Soccer Girlfriends Are Easy
• Cristiano Ronaldo's new girlfriend does all the positions, and all you have to do is take her to parties and give her money. [Unprofessional Foul]
• Mike Piazza and Jeff Garcia are twins. And yet they look nothing alike. [The Big Lead]
• When skilled 12-year-old girl basketball players make the boys look bad, it's…
Marion Barber Unaware Of Marion Barber Rule
Keeping with the obliviousness-to-rules motif — hey, it makes us feel better about ourselves — Dallas Cowboys running back Marion Barber III, esq. has made a name for himself by stiff arming the defenders in the face. Apparently that's always been a rule. But now the league will begin to clamp down on such reckless…
You Mean The Speed-Up Rules Began THIS Weekend?
Hopefully you caught wind of Major League Baseball's new directive to enforce rules that speed up the game, if from no other source, from Jim Leyland's awesome rant. But apparently the Red Sox didn't get the memo. Correction: they read it, they just didn't read it.
Remember when Dan Shaughnessy was carpooling to work with athletes? Now he can't even get any lousy insider access with Kevin Garnett. [Boston Globe]
When The Simpsons Were Edgy, But Not Funny
There've been a lot of Simpsons games throughout the years, few of them any good. The one that stands the test of time was probably the original arcade game. I recommend it today as you watch the Indy 500. So I know what you're asking. "Where am I going to find the original arcade machine?" That really isn't my problem.…
